Em Got Done

Ewwww. He told me so...something I really didn't want to know, but I guess it's a chance I take when trying to unfake myself. Ewwwwwww. In the ass. Ewwww.

Banana

And there they were. In all their glory they stared back at me. From their individual wrappers they glistened knowingly of the secret they just revealed. And there I was, staring back at them with a child's Christmas morning eyes. I know something you don't. But I can't tell you, though. Because you might tell. Then there'd be hell. Then again, who really cares. Okay, I'll tell. Kelsey has banana flavored condoms in the third drawer of our shared cabinet. I was looking for somewhere to put my food and I opened it and they slide out at me from a corner. Please don't tell her I saw, she might get mad. But then again.....

Spellbound

I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC;
It plainly marques four my revue
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it
I'm sure your pleased too no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

From the Writting Centar webcite

To Thomas:

I can't be your friend when you kick me out of your path every time I try. I can't keep trying to hold it together when I'm fucking falling apart over our situations. I can't keep being your on call girl when you feel lonely and in need. I won't keep being made to feel like I don't really matter, that I'm stupid, that ain't any moment I could be left in the cold. Not again.

The Letter

I'm writing Mrs. Tish a letter. Or I already wrote it and now I'm just waiting for the strength to send it to her. If I do send this, it changes everything. I can't pretend with them no more, I have to express myself, but like I said in the letter I'm really sick and tired of feeling empty all the damn time. I'm so damn depressing. I want her to tell me how to be pretty. And how to grow confidence. I just really want her to tell me how great I am. Selfish I know.

Original Rhyme

I want to stay with you
And lay with you,
On a bed of powdered blue.
Then rock with you
Get locked with you,
the way that sinners do.

The sun rises over the garden wall to chase away the night
In it's glow your sexy brown skin glistens in the tender morning light.

We'll cover our eyes with navy blue skies
The sun tells lies
We still have time to be intertwined
And share one body, one mind
Damn you fine!!

So catch me before I go
I'm almost at the do'
Don't you see me walkin' slow
What?
Okay.

A Good One

He's gay.
I have evidence this time. 1] One of the first times I went to his room and used his laptop I saw a gay porno. 2] He looks gay. 3]He went to a GayLesbianBiEtc meeting without telling anyone. I was only there by coincidence. Luis [also gay] called me and told me about this thing called the Guess Who's Gay panel that he and Keisha were going to. I went, Keisha didn't show [hum?], and there was Thomas sitting in the back. Everyone there was gay. He told Amber and I that he had somewhere to go, but when I asked he didn't tell me. DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!! What the Fuck is wrong with me that I can't fall for a fucking straight man. SHIT!!! He's so damn fine and smart and tall and brown and talented. Those should have been the first signs, shit. That and he hung out with me and wanted to be with me all the time and touched me. But he touched me, continuously and he sleeps on me and he makes me laugh and he touches me. DAMN IT!!! I refuse to believe this bullshit. I refuse to let him go, not just yet. But it makes no sense, no the sense is perfect, I don't make sense. All the signs are there but he touches me. Like when we were sitting out in the sun that day, back to back, head to head, and he got up and he rubbed my knee for no reason. Or when he runs his fingers along my arm when I'm next to him. Or when he says that he loves me under his breath when he thinks I can't hear. "What did you say?" "Nothing" [Looking guilty] fuck. No.

Beauty...

Only skin deep.
But fuck internal beauty.
It leaves you lonely.
I want supermodel beauty
wrapped in a beautiful outer flesh.
Fuck internal shit.
That doesn't cause love at first sight,
Fuck it,
I'm going on extreme makeover.

The Miseducation

Lauryn told me to tell him
But she don't know
Rejection hurts me so
I keep listenin' to her words though
Maybe I'll gain strength from her flow
Then I can finally let my feelings show.
Lauryn keeps pushin'
But I ain't rushin' towards my heart's death
I have time left
Like after I create a fine self
A self externally beautiful
Lauryn told me to tell him
But Lauryn don't know how powerful doubt is.

Separation

Let go, Bitch!
What is wrong with you? All tore up inside because your friend actually dares to spend time with someone other than you. Come on now, you know this has to happen. It happens all the time, YOU are NOT the center of the world Monique. It's not good for you to spend your every waking moment with someone because you like them. It's not good to thinking about them all the time. It's just not good to obsess because you are doomed to be disappointed in the end. This is my challenge to you, Monique: Try to spend two days without seeing him. Also, you need to deal with your emotions. They're finally trying to erupt on you girl. You can let them see you cry. Be real with yourself. Go out and make deeper connections with people. Do things on your own. We can do it. I just know it.

But when I'm away I shake.