Tyisha

I talked to my sister Tyisha today on Yahoo! And she's not Pregnant!!! It's been sooooo long and I miss her sooo much. I copied the conversation for y'all. It's short but I'll be happy for the next two days:

Tyty: wat up
Rani: hiiiiii
Rani: what ya doin'
Tyty: nuttin
Rani: same here
Tyty: co
Rani: how u been doin'
Tyty: ok
Tyty: im not pg [pregnant]
Rani: thank ya jesus
Tyty: lol
Tyty: so hows every1
Rani: i guess they're okay
Tyty: is jarvis in jail yet
Rani: not yet lol
Tyty: co
Tyty: wat bout tha twins
Rani: they were here
Rani: i went to see them 1 time
Tyty: co
Rani: i dislike them with passion
Tyty: dont we all
Rani: especially your sister nene
Tyty: she aint my sis
Rani: yes she is
Rani: 'cuz she ain't mine
Tyty: uh uh
Rani: ye huh
Tyty: she act like u
Rani: i be god damned
Rani: don't u eva eva put me with her
Tyty: wat u get 4 xmas from dad
Rani: 75 dollars and a pic of him
Rani: and u
Tyty: me 2
Rani: ain't that love for ya
Tyty: my mom said i should show it 2 guys who want 2 sleep w/me
Rani: huh?
Rani: oooooo
Rani: neva mind
Rani: I think u should
Tyty: thats sooo nice of u
Rani: Hey i have this pic that looks just like u?
Tyty: really
Rani: wanna see it
Tyty: sure
Rani: hold on
Tyty: k
Rani: it's comin'
Tyty: i no
Rani: well, I say

Tyty: that is not me
Rani: yes it is
Tyty: its nesha
Rani: no that's you
Rani: i saw it and said "man that's my sista"
Tyty: no its our stripper sista nesha
Rani: haha
Tyty: i g2g bye
Rani: awwww
Rani: okay bye
Tyty: ill b on l8er
Rani: okay

Resolutions

Seeing as the count down to a new year has begun I guess I should have at least a rough draft ready.

1. Love ME*
2. BE 17
3. Maintain Weight
4. Get More SLEEP
   
5. Drink More water
6. Stop obsessing
7. Less Stressing
8. Stop Planning My Life to the second
9. Be More of Everything
10. Life is Not One Big Tragedy
11. Show My Ass When I Feel Like It
12. Say No!!!
13. Get The Love I Deserve
    

I'm sure there is way more that I'm not thinking about right now, but it's almost 3 in the morning and I'm feeling a little tired. So I'll you guys tomorrow or next year. Which ever comes first.

They didn't cry like I expected. Even when her name was mentioned there were no tears, but forced smiles and misty eyes. Did she even exist in this cruel world? I let my little cousin pick a song by letting his finger fall on a music file and he picked Burn by Usher. That was the song that was playing as we rushed to Houston to watch her die. It's funny how we make thinks fit our on situations in our own selfish ways. That song has to do with the death of a relationship and somehow it was turned into going through when you know a loved one is going to die but you still don't want her to go. In literature that is called something like a false analogy when you compare two things that have absolutely nothing to do with eachother. I may be wrong about that.

I didn't get much for Christmas. You know, I can remember when Christmas actually meant something great to me because getting something new is like getting a new beginning for me. I think I'm a shopaholic that just doesn't have the money to splurge like I truely want. My aunt Rena gave all the girls bracelets and gave my cousin Jr. a DVD player and my brother a Gameboy, then she had the nerve to say that we didn't ask for things like that. Well, we didn't ask for bracelets either. Other than the bracelet, which I am greatful for [cough], I got some candles and some CDs. I still get that sense of a new beginning but now I just need more things to sat my void.

Okay, I'm being watched so I'm just going to go.

Rani: Merry Christmas Moni
Moni: Merry Christmas Rani

Sleep At Your Own Risk

When I laid down last night I busted my lip on a small fan I keep by my bed. If I would've just stayed up it wouldn't have happen.

I'm having an insomnatic night. Though my mind is aching from sleep deprivation I still can't bring myself to go to bed. So I'm working on that blog-novel that was supposed to be finished almost a month ago and I'm not making much progress. Maybe if I go lay down and think about it hard enough I'll have a dream about it that will give me ideas. It might work.

I have these pictures that I "got" from another blog that were so good they almost created the story for me. Unfortunately I have a bad memory so all my epiphanies have long since disappeared.

Every since I got on the computer hours ago I've been searching through the new blogs and I have to say that I'm disappointed. I have found a couple that were very good, but the rest have been blah. I know I can't talk like this blog is the best blog there ever was, but I still hoped to find my blog soul mate out there. Alas, there are nothing but snot nosed kids out there. I did meet Yen his blog is pretty good and we've been throwing e-mails at eachother all night. He has a good style, go visit him ->Our Dynasty<- and that's an order. You know what, I'm just gonna write this part of the story out by hand because the computer is in my granny's room and she keeps wakin' up and having cows. I wish I could put it somewhere I could stay on it all night. I wish even more for a DSL connection. Santa Baby I've been very good gurl for the last few seconds. '^_^'

How to play hearts

A nice poem I found while searching random things on yahoo. I'm gonna try to create my own.

Indecent Proposal

How much for the candy of a stranger?
What bounty will you lay on your head
to cause you to take in hand a moral danger?
Will Benjamin be enough
to make you blind?
NO? Then more?
And what happens to this secret kiss
when its essence has been wiped from
your lips?
Will the Stranger run and tell?

Creepin' on the Down Low

We all talk about them. It's common to talk about what's wrong with your school and things like that. Pues people, I saw the worst thing in my life the night I worked the concession for the basketball game. I saw them all over the floor in the school kitchen. Not one or two, but about a lot. We walked in and flipped the switch....they were running everywhere. Yes,I threw-up a little in my mouth because for three long years I have eaten here and trusted that it was clean: they keep their hands and head covered, and it looks like they wash everything. I even pushed it aside when I saw one dead behind a poster taped on the wall. But roaches in the kitchen just isn't right. I haven't eaten anything out of the cafeteria for the last two days since and I don't think I will for the rest of the year. This is a new low for the school that I thought it would never reach. Worst of all, I was with the Principal and she pretended like they weren't even there, but I know she saw them. I feel dirty now. I'm not going to tell Tim until the end of the year because I want to see the look on his face. :)

Draggin' Days

The weekend has finally blessed us with its presence. This has had to be one of the longest damn weeks of my entire goddamn life. This week drug itself through a crap load of muck and drug us all with it. The worst thing that probably happened to me this week [What I haven't been able to block out] is when Mr. Larue kicked me outta class on Tuesday. Okay, What had happened was that we finished a test and I stared looking at these pictures Michelle had and Mr. Larue started reading out of the paper. I guess he got mad that me and Michelle were talking and not listening to him and he said he would write us up then he said if we had an opinion about it we needed to say it. Why did he do that? Michelle went off on him about not talkin' down to the other people who were talking [meaning the white girls] and Mr. Larue got real red because he knew what she was implying. I was just sitting there stunned that Michelle was cutting Mr. L up like that and I was completely silent like everyone else in the class. And when he told her to get out and she wouldn't I was extra stunned because I can tell you right now that I would never ever ever do anything like that in my life. I like to keep on the good sides of teachers so they can remember how good I am when Midterms and Finals roll around. Like I was saying though, I was sitting there stunned with my mouth open as Michelle walked out and then he said "Monique you can go with her" and I jumped a little like someone had zapped me a little bit because I hadn't done anything or said anything that whole time. I was a innocent bystander caught in the cross fire. I'm not mad at Mr. Larue though because I would feel the same way if I was being accused straight out of being a racist. I just still don't understand why I was thrown out, too. Mrs. Pasho was gone that day but when she came back she made jokes about it that were really funny because all the teachers were thoroughly taken back that sweet lil ol' me had been kicked out.

Sis

What I heard was that she was pregnant.
N'all, she thought she was pregnant but wasn't and her and momma keep getting into it, that's why she's coming down here.
Well I heard that too. What do you think He'll do?
Probably preach to her. But I think it's a little bit of his fault because he never was a father to her anyways.
Yea. So when she comin'?
I dunno. She might not be coming anyway, you know how Tra lies.
Well, I heard it from Antonia too.
Now that's a different thing. Man, she said she was gonna do it, but I didn't believe her.
No one did. After all she did like LaCharlies. Aaak.
Pues, let's just watch and see what happens next.

On the road to Bethlehem

Moni: I felt like I coulda died and no one would've cared the least. Rani let me tell you what happened yesterday.

Rani: Okay. What happened?

Moni: Yesterday I took the SAT [Aiming for 1300] then went to Tim's house where I got talked into going to that Los Posadas program in the park. [The Mexican christmas thing?] Yea. I went out there and I was the only Black person and all the Mexicans and White people were looking at me like me being there was sacrilegious. Plus, you know I'm very social-anxiety-ic so I was extra paranoid. Diego and I walked behind Mary and Joseph [Ha, Timothy was Joseph] singing Spanish versions of Christmas songs and then we went inside the civic center for a show. I felt so out of place that I got depressed and I actually wanted to go home. I walked around with my hood over my head like I was the loneliest person in the world. To make things worse I meet up with Armando aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

Rani: Not Armando!!! He's like 6 Diegos, Timothy, Carrot Top and nails on a chalkboard put together times fucking ten thousand four hundred and fifty fucking three. I swear you attract gay ass-holes like a damn magnet.

Moni: Fo Sho'. Armando saw his ex-girlfriend [Ha, yea right] that dropped him because he didn't go to a movie or something [You mean it wasn't
because he's gay?] and, get this, he wanted me to pretend to be his girl.

Rani: Wha..?

Moni: Yep, I tried to tell him no by saying things like "Wouldn't you like someone pretty?" of course that didn't work [Obviously (eye roll)] and he didn't listen. So this gay fucker [ Don't get her wrong. She's okay with gay people, just not the ones we know] stayed on my ass all the fucking night trying to hold hands with me and touch me and my spirit was so damn drained that I didn't have enough energy to protest.

Rani: What happened then?

Moni: Tim tried to save me but it didn't work. You know he can't lie. I finally got rid of him because he had to leave. God I hate that boy. Everyday at the table he makes these stupid ass jokes about not liking anything black which is getting pretty God damn old. This cute boy named Mikah that sits with us now looked like he was 'bout to steal off on a bitch. I don't think Mikah will be sitting with us anymore. Armand is so GD annoying but I don't wanna hurt his feelings because no one likes him and he knows it too. Whenever I would sneak away from him I could see him looking for me all scared-like and I went back to him. I just know I'm going to end up in a pity marriage.

Rani: Moni you are just too God damn soft hearted. Tell him what's on your mind. If he knows people don't like him, then maybe he would like to know why so he can fix it. [I can't!] Yes, the hell you can. Or you can let him ruin your last year of carefreeness. You decide.

Moni: A'ight. I'll talk to you later girl, I gotta go. Thanks.

Rani: No Prob.

Crazy? Well, Maybe a Little

Being in yearbook has its rewards. I was going through a stack of last year's pictures and I found a pic of Isaac and one of my crazy moments hit me - I decided I was going to steal it. So when conversations would start up, I would walk around pretending to be just looking when I was actually folding his picture up slowly in my hand, I then slide it neatly into my pocket. It is now in a silver box among all my junk, where no one can find it. I'm not obsessed enough to want the pic to kiss it before I go to bed, I just wanted to have that little token of my affection. Okay, that's a whole lot of crazy.

See, What Had Happened Was...

Background Info.
Marlene backed into a tree on Saturday and her daddy didn't know.

I road to the Monroe-Crook house with Marlene and Karla so that we could help Mrs. Crowson decorate it for Christmas. We finished a little early and Mrs. Crowson told us we had twenty-five minutes to get back to school. We didn't want go back especially not Marlene, so we went out and bought some fajitas from the Taco Stand and then went to Karla's house to eat and watch Spanish soap operas, which are very good. Finally I got scared of getting in trouble and I wanted to go back, I'm a pus. We got in the car and Marlene's cell was ringing...It was Mrs. Crowson. We used the lie that I made up in the house:

Mrs. Crowson someone hit Marlene's car when we were at the Monroe-Crook house and we went to her father's job to show him and he was mad. You can ask Alicia because she and Timothy saw us when we went there.
The part about Alicia is true but Alicia didn't know where we were going. Mrs. Crowson still bought it. I'm good.