Childish

How did I handle the situation the last time he started fucking one of my friends? If my memory serves me correctly, I didn't handle it at first, I just ignored it, acted as if I was okay with it and then....
Then the lying began to take its tole and then....BOOM!
The situation exploded into my friend and me fighting because of my jealousy and my fears.
Jealous that they were sharing the secret of lovers, afraid that I will be alone forever.

What gets me is that he thinks I'm stupid, which I find hilarious, he thinks I don't know his games and the way he operates but I know him better than he knows himself.

I talked to her because she really likes him but she can't discard the memory of a horrible track record with relationships. I told her to go for it because I sensed an attraction between them long before they did. He still doesn't know I know, he will tell me later if it doesn't work out and act like he was hiding something from me. What an Ass.

I'm afraid of the predatory nature of men. I learned recently of what's called "Courtly love." The basis of courtly love is that a woman's beauty triggers males desire which leads to a woman's eventual(if not immediate) acquiescence to his advances. I hate that shit, and I've been running from it my whole life. No means No Bitches! Not try even harder and in more annoying ways!

Anyways, last time I started acting childish. Angry for no reason. In a bad mode for no reason and I always focus it towards the girl friend. I guess my thinking is "Why can't she keep her legs closed?" He's never around for me to get angry at and if I did he would make me feel stupid and brush me off. I guess you can equate my feelings about this situation to the feeling of a young child watching their single parent getting married. I was once the focus of attention and now I'm on the back burner or I feel that I'm there. I feel this way because he stops talking to me like he used to and so does she. And when I'm around them it's like they are sharing a secret I will never know. I guess like that child I have to remember I am loved, but the animalistic side of our nature takes over sometimes and has to be satisfied.

Solutions: Stop placing my happiness on other people. Learn to be alone. Get a man lol(this should probably be labeled complicator), and stop being so damn childish.

The end of the world

So I'm afraid that this is the end of days. While trying feebly to explain this fear to a friend a few questions were raised to which I had no answer. The biggest one is "WHY?" Why am I so afraid of God bringing justice upon the world.

Truthfully.....

Truthfully I want time to sin then repent and sin again.
Truthfully I want time to grow old and raise a family.
Truthfully I like the world.
Truthfully I don't want people to be harshly punished.
Truthfully I don't think I'm ready.

I'm not ready for God to come back because what if he leaves me here to burn? I need to get right with God. I'm trading my chance at forever for a few moments of sin.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth and it was good. All good things must come to an end.