I don't want to wish anymore, I don't want to dream because I've learned from experiences that I will never get those things. That dreaming, hoping, wishing, praying shit may work for other motherfuckers but not for me. I swear that whenever i want something, anything some crap happens to keep me from it. I wanted a car, thought I was gonna get it but I found out yesterday that it had to be destroyed after my aunt had it shipped from Hawaii. That was the straw that broke this bitches back. I had a little breakdown yesterday, a combination of lack of sleep, falling grades, and the stresses of sorority life , and the destruction of the car that was my freedom. Yes all this equals hysterically crying on the phone with my aunt while my friend tried to comfort me. It came out of no where. I don't cry because of a personal childhood philosophy. I thought I would never stop. Anyways, I had to go to a dinner after that which I didn't fucking want to go to and my sorors were wondering what was wrong with me, but I didn't want to be like YOU BITCH because it would have hurt her feelings and I hate that what I feel usually hurts others and that's why i just I don't understand. I'm tired. And I don't want to wish anymore, don't wanna dream, just fuck everyting.