Life

I have no deep philosophy on the matter of life and why, what, when, and where it is, I just know that it is a strange happening that can be snuffed out so simply by nothing more than a misstep or a wrong breath. But the thing about life that gets me is how little people know how to control their own. Amber, one of my new friends, is constantly saying shit like "I can't wear that or this because my mother would kill me." I understand that she obeys her mother, but...Momma ass ain't here. Gloria, another friend, does the same thing but she realizes the point I just made. Maybe it is because I neva had that constant verbal restriction because I pretty much had my own restrictions in place and needed no further prodding that I don't understand this concept of no personal control. I'm not implying that I am in fact the captain of my own ship because the winds are always blowing on my sea, but I always know that there is another path to the horizon. I feel so blessed to have this feeling inside of me that I am not limited in possibilities.

Then....

There are those times that I forget myself and I am lost in these endless darkness that blocks the sun. My dreams interpret it as me driving a car and losing complete control. Going to fast, not being able to control the direction that I am going. People always seem to cause it. Friends that have too many problems for me to handle. Friends that are too needy and I am stretched too thin. "God" I scream because I just can't take it. Right now it's like that. Amber is too needy, always with me. Neva given me time to be alone and recharge, I can't be perfectly me all the time. Then her and Gloria can't get along too well. They're always clashing because Amber is so damn closed minded and does not the limits of things and Gloria is Gloria. I can't write no mo'. My mind's too damn tired.